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You'll Get Used to Second Best...

When Considering the Cost

18 October 1985
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Currently I don't know where my life is heading but I do have an idea of where I want it to end up, I told my ex-girlfriend "I just want to reach a point where Im comfortable and secure in life and love is all that is present" she laughed at me and said "you and everyone else dummy" Im so fucking in love, I've experienced the biggest growth in myself as a person recently and I know it wouldn't be possible if it wasn't for her, just look at how I used to be: ("Loneliness has followed me my whole life, everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. Im Gods lonely man"-Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver. this quote best describes my life till this point. Loneliness doesn't bother me, if it does I hardly show it. I think I have grown accustom to the feeling. Im droning from day to day trying to avoid the inevitable realization that im destined to lead a miserable mediocre life.) "WHAT I WAS WITHOUT YOU, CANNOT BE, SHOULD NOT BE A TOPIC DISCUSSED // IT'S THE TOPIC OF TRUST, SOMETHING YOU TAUGHT ME ON TOP OF THIS STUFF // TAUGHT ME TO SHARE MY HEART WITH THE ONE'S THAT I LOVE // TAUGHT ME TO LOVE THE ART AND THE WARMTH OF A HUG" my life never was miserable, and it can never be I don't think my life will be mediocre for one day now that you're in it, Im making goals in life, I had someone special, I found hapiness, inspiration, desire, love, and a soulmate, you had to be it Ive never felt like this before, you make my heart race every single time I even look at a picture of you, you're so fucking beautiful that I feel I could spend my entire life trying to discover the perfect words to describe you and even if I were to fail at that I wouldn't feel like I've wasted my life. That seems to be one of my biggest fears in life wasting my life or whatever talent I do pocess, I think you promised me you would never let me do that so I guess I have nothing to worry about. I've experience very little in my life I know a lot of things but very few from personal experience when I do get around to experiencing somthing I want you be there with me or I want you to be the first person I speak to about it. My family is cool I have no complaints in that department, my parents didn't fuck my head up and did a hell of a job raising my older brothers and I. My future is no longer in doubt I know what I want to do, Im workin on my associates degree in business administration and my associates degree in management, after that my life goal is to get my MBA and get some pencil pushing job so I can collect enough cheddar to start my own business and give my future loving family something to be proud of and something to secure them for the rest of their lives. Even if things don't work out how I plan them Im still going to enjoy my life so don't even worry about me, as one of my friends/favorite rappers would say "live life to the fullest, cuz everyone dies but not all of us truly live"